Mustarded

One of the hobbies I’ve added to my repertoire this past year has has been the 1940’s Midwest art of making pickles.  Normally, much of the produce I buy at the farmers market or receive as part of a CSA ends up in an airtight jar of vinegar. But more on that another time.  Today’s post is about another vinegar infused airtight jar of yum.  Here is my newest culinary experiment, and strangely enough, the current best seller on Zetsy, the Etsy in my mind. So bring your tired, hungry, huddled masses of naked hot dogs, and peep my newest creation, Bourbon & Honey Whole Grain Mustard.

“I make ham and cheese sandwiches taste like booze. Now you can feed the beast at your desk.”

Yes, it’s delicious.  Yes, I’ve already posted it to Instagram using a cool ass 1970’s filter.  And finally, yes, one day you may be able to buy it at a local market or online.  Maybe.  One day.   Also, get it? Mustarded! Hilarious, I know.  Ann Coulter takes the heat while I get the laughs.

In other news, unemployment isn’t as fun as I thought it would be.  That first week I was all about movies and museums while thinking about road trips and flights and all the time to do whatever I wanted.  But I forgot that requires an income.  But it’s getting better.  I’ve   gotten on a schedule. It doesn’t have exact times, but it goes a little like this:

  1. Wake up
  2. Go for a jog
  3. Shower
  4. Eat breakfast
  5. Look for jobs
  6. Feel worthless and overwhelmed
  7. Cry
  8. Go for a walk
  9. Eat lunch
  10. Look for jobs
  11. Cry
  12. Make dinner
  13. Watch 2 episodes of Sons of Anarchy
  14. Go to sleep

Maybe that’s an exaggeration ( I don’t actually exercise), but it’s getting rough over here.  Even the homeless people don’t spange me anymore.  It’s like they know I’m one of them now, except I have a place to live, and I rarely pee myself.  At least when I’m sober anyhow.

I did have a phone interview today though, and another one tomorrow.  So in honor of that, please enjoy this representation of me at a business meeting being tested for radiation.

“Your right nipple is exuding mad gamma’s, homey.”

What gets you through the rough days? How much internet porn is too much when it’s still daylight out? What should i pickle next? Any suggestions for mustard flavors? I’ve already made a delightful herbed one as well with some thyme I stole from the neighbors garden.

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About Ziggy Smallz

I rarely commit to anything, especially blogging. That is, except eating. I like to constantly taste new things. Whether it's a Bangkok back alley soup stand, or some weird veggie I pickled myself, I want to eat it. Except eggplant, because I'm strangely allergic to it.
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8 Responses to Mustarded

  1. have you tried pickled watermelon rinds? its actually kinda good…its made with only the white part. and i want you to try making a lavender mustard. ive bought one that was tasty…probably could be tweaked into something zigtastic.

  2. poliadic says:

    Perhaps you could artfully pickle less common things, like “the tortured essence of jobhunting”, or “dreams of my inner child” or even “Sunday on Federal Hill”. Jar it and sell it when RISD is doing something with the public.

  3. Ziggy Smallz says:

    I have had the pickled watermelon rind, and you can bet I’m all over that next summer. And I’ll totally try the lavender idea, Is it in season right now?
    As for the sad pickle names, my fiancee LOVES the idea. “Taste these spicy dill pickles. The spice is actually a mixture of my tears and blood diamonds.”

  4. Amy Sherdell says:

    Send me mustard. Hugs and kisses.

  5. I am stoked to try the mustard tonight. Unless Bobby has eaten all of it already, which is entirely possible.

    Keep pickling your dreams! (You need to sign each jar like that. It seems like an encouraging, optimistic sentiment but it might actually imply that you should shelve your dreams in jars of preservatives.)

  6. Need that mustard recipe, sounds amazeballs!

  7. Tark says:

    This was a good blog..you had to go and ruin it with this mustard bullshit…

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