When Is A Door Not A Door?

When it’s El Santo!

I’m sure you were not expecting a luchador.  In fact, you were probably ready for the standard reply (e.g. when it’s ajar) or something hilariously vulgar (e.g. when it’s ajar like a sloppy porn vajay).  Either way, it still serves as a transition:




Here are some of the things I’ve put into jars recently…

Habanero Okra

Sriracha Giardiniera

Sweet Pickled Pumpkin

“Lemon Sage Green Dicks”

Now here’s a special one for all you advertising/marketing folks.  Do you think I’ve chosen a good name for this particular creation? Will it sell on the Whole Food Market shelves?  How about at a farmer’s market?  How about a farmer’s market in Williamsburg? The Castro District in SF?  Would you buy it? Why or why not? Discuss in the comments section below.

As a bonus, here’s a picture of an apple pumpkin tart I whipped up with the leftover pumpkin from the pickling project above.  Notice there is a piece missing.  This is because I’m a fatty fatty boombalatty who can’t even wait to take a picture.  I’m comfortable with that fact.  I don’t care if you know that I eat my feelings.  So what if I make a cake for every one of my 700+ Facebook friends that I haven’t seen in months or even several years.  It’s the thought that counts.  Even though I don’t ever tell anyone that I’ve made them a cake.  I just sit in the bathtub, nude, and eat it.  (Before you jump to conclusions, this is for sanitary reasons only. I am not into sploshing just like I am not into cleaning up crumbs or chest frosting.)  (Chest frosting is not an innuendo.)

“Cakes, LGBNAF!”

Are you finished digging out your special Thanksgiving recipes?  What is your specialty/ favorite/most requested item to make for Turkey Day?  Are you thankful no one asks you to make anything and you just get to show up and get drunk?  Do you play football and punch your brother in the nuts before you gorge?  Did you put your CD copy of Alice’s Restaurant Thanksgiving Day Massacree in an easy to find spot last year so you don’t have to rip apart the living room looking for it again?  Can you carve a turkey? Can you carve an ice sculpture? Can you carve radishes into little rosettes to decorate a crutite platter?  Are you psyched for the big game? I’m not.


About Ziggy Smallz

I rarely commit to anything, especially blogging. That is, except eating. I like to constantly taste new things. Whether it's a Bangkok back alley soup stand, or some weird veggie I pickled myself, I want to eat it. Except eggplant, because I'm strangely allergic to it.
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One Response to When Is A Door Not A Door?

  1. poliadic says:

    Come up with as many references to genitals for your various wares. If you can’t come up with any good names, try a poll on facebook, or a “name my pickle” party with plenty of adult beverages and pickled food tastings. If it goes well enough consider just making this an event to sell pickles – otherwise take said wares to Provincetown. Present all items like a drunk/saucy Martha Stewart and you’ll do well. Possibly be drunk.

    You have been to P-town right?

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