Today I celebrate the 3 month anniversary of the last time I was employed.  And what better way to celebrate than to make our apartment smell like Koreatown after 2 weeks with no power.  That’s right you guys, I made a huge ass batch of kimchi and let it ferment in the living room!

This may or may not be an actual text I received from the neighbors.

For the uninitiated, kimchi (or at least my version) is a mix of cabbage, daikon, green onion, carrots, ginger, sesame seed, shrimp paste, red pepper, and salt.


Mix it all together in this big, amazing, German ceramic crock gifted to me by my wonderful lady friend, and let it sit for a few days while bacteria works its magic. (I quickly touched on the science here)

photo (4)

Actual size Bruce Lee is for height comparison.

Although the actual amounts of produce and spices are able to be modified for anyone’s  personal preferences, please be sure to do the correct social math before diving into this project.

photo 3 (2)

Amount of local friends – Friends who don’t eat weird smelly vegetables + Your perceived consumption = Total quarts of strange ethnic food you should make at once

I ended up with 7 quart size jars of this stuff.  I was able to give 2 away.  That leaves 5 quarts of kimchi that have left the fridge reminiscent of a Seoul back alley.  And there are only so many ways to eat it.  Plain.  Breakfast style with an egg on it.  Kimchi pancakes.  Kimchi soup.  Have I missed any?

Breakfast of champions in the bathroom Olympics.

The breakfast of champions in the bathroom Olympics often includes a fucked up looking over-easy egg. I only wish I could blame that on Instagram.

Next up, I plan to make a crap-ton of sauerkraut in the crock, where it will sit and ferment for 6 weeks.  In the basement.  What is your favorite smelly food?  How do you air out your apartment after a kitchen misstep?  Do the neighbors complain that you burnt the fish?  Are your neighbors from a different country?  What kind of fun odors sneak out their front door?  Do you think it’s probably as delicious as I do?  Would you be willing to eat weird meat on sticks at 2 AM in a Bangkok back alley like I have?  Was I correct in guessing they were chicken tails?  What is the over under on me finding a full time position before the unemployment checks stop coming in 3 months?  Can I get in on that?


About Ziggy Smallz

I rarely commit to anything, especially blogging. That is, except eating. I like to constantly taste new things. Whether it's a Bangkok back alley soup stand, or some weird veggie I pickled myself, I want to eat it. Except eggplant, because I'm strangely allergic to it.
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2 Responses to Kimcheeeezy

  1. Angela says:

    Tacos. We’ve got a Korean taco food truck here that puts “caramelized kimchi” in everything… tacos, quesadilla, french fries…

  2. rossmurray1 says:

    All good questions. And I’ll answer your question with another question: Did anyone else’s mom try to get rid of any noxious odors in the house by boiling vinegar, which only managed to make the house smell like pickled noxious odor?

    Perhaps that was more of a rhetorical question in the end.

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